Being A Good Life Partner
February 21, 2014 Bangalore, India
Q: What makes one a good life partner? What attributes to look for in a good life-partner?
Sri Sri: I have no idea, or experience. You should ask people who have been successful in finding a good life partner.
Maybe you can try this one idea, whomsoever you choose as your life partner, contribute towards their life, and don’t demand anything. The moment you start demanding, you become miserable.
If you demand from your husband (or wife), that he (or she) should do this, one day or the other, it will make you miserable.
The second biggest problem will be your in-laws. Whatever you do, they will not be very pleased and they will comment on it and you will get upset. This you should stop. Win them over with your service and your love.
When a daughter-in-law comes, if she is very loving, within the first six months she will win the hearts of the family. This skill you must learn: how to win the hearts of the people.
Go with a sense of seva, a sense of total sacrifice for that family. Even a few months like this will earn you a lot of goodwill from your in-laws.
So with a big mind and big heart, win over the new family you got into, and all will be fine.
Q: Gurudev, can you please explain to me what Grace means.
Sri Sri: That is something which cannot be explained.
When you feel that you have received something which is beyond your ability, beyond your capacity, then you say that it is a gift. Grace simply means gift. That is closest you can get.
By the Grace of God means, I was not worthy of it but he still gave me. That is why you say it is grace.
In school you say grace marks. The teacher get pleased and gives you some more marks, which you are not really qualified to get, but they give it to you out of love for you. Something that is given to you out of love and feeling for you, though you are not worthy of it, perhaps could be called grace.
When I think, 'I deserve this', then I demand. Then it is the giver’s duty to give me. Grace is always accompanied with gratefulness. When you get what you deserve, you are not grateful for it. But when you are given something which you don’t deserve, then you are more grateful. Grace and gratefulness are very much related.
Q: Gurudev, can fate be changed, if so, how? I want to wash off my bad karma.
Sri Sri: You are in the right place, doing the right thing. Meditate, chant, take part in lot of service activities and the past karma will get washed away.
Q: Dearest Gurudev, if our consciousness is so powerful, then why doesn't it heal our body ailments and why do we need doctors and medicines. What is the role of the soul in the body.
Sri Sri: Body heals, not just with medicine. You give someone medicine and do not let them sleep, then see if the body heals. Impossible! Deep rest is required, and meditation is one such rest.
Our body is not used to meditation from the very beginning, or due the circumstances and surrounding, the conditioning of the body is such that medicines also have a role to play. That is why Ayurveda is also a part of the Vedic wisdom, and not just mantras and yoga. Yoga and Ayurveda both have an equal share is keeping the body healthy.
Q: How to be in a relationship without depending on the other, and without feeling possessive.
Sri Sri: Know that love is your nature. By nature you are loving, and relax. Give the person whom you love their freedom; their space.
When you love somebody, you almost want to strangle them. You want to police them from morning till night. It may sound very difficult to not do this, but that is the wisest thing to do. Don’t police the person you love a lot.
Q: Gurudev, if we have bear the consequences for bad karma from previous lives. How do I know if the problem I am having right now is a result of karma from my previous lives or this life?
Sri Sri: Why do you want to sit and dissect it?
They say ‘Gahano Karmano Gati’, the ways of karma are unfathomable.
If something good is happening, then you must have done something good. If something bad is happening, then you must have done something bad at some time. Maybe that was a year ago, or ten years ago, or even lifetimes ago. Why do you bother, just keep them all aside and simply meditate, be in the knowledge, and do some service.
You have been given such a wonderful path, why do you want to sit down and count your karma. Just follow the path and the karma will automatically get washed away.
When you are disposing your garbage, you don’t look inside and see if it’s yesterday’s garbage or day before yesterday’s garbage. Garbage is garbage, you simply dispose of it. In the same way, just let your old karma be, they will turn to ashes on their own.
Q: In Narada Bhakti Sutra, you have said that measure your mind with your heart and understand your heart with your mind. I am unable to understand this, please explain.
Sri Sri: Just give them equal importance in life. Take both of them along with you, and remember that neither is lesser than the other.
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The sesame seed is black on the outside, and white on the inside. If it was white on the outside and black on the inside, it would have been a different matter. Today the sesame seed and jaggery has given a message to the country, 'Maintain purity inside.'
