QnA with Sri Sri
Friday, August 28, 2015
Q: Till what extent should one compromise; especially when it has to be with my wife? What if my wife does not listen or understanding?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: See, I have no experience in these matters (laughter). How do I tell you this? I would say, you should listen to her and agree, for she is the boss at home! She is literally like the Prime Minister at home. What can you do? You need to find out some way to talk to her and make her understand. If you do not know, then consult and learn some new ways from others.
There is a small story about this. There was once a gentleman whose wife would do the exact opposite of everything that he said. Suppose if the man said, “I do not wish to have any gravy dish for dinner”, the wife would cook only gravy dishes for dinner.
If he would say, “I do not wish to wear a blue shirt to office today”, she would only iron a blue shirt for him to wear, and she would put all the other shirts for washing. So this is how it used to happen. If the gentleman did not wish to eat out one day, that very day she would insist on eating out and have her way. In this way, everything used to happen against his wishes. The gentleman became very dejected because of all this.
Do you know that in India there is a club called the Battered Husbands Club? Have you all heard about it? Sometime back when I had written a short article on Women’s Rights, I got a letter from the members of this club. In the letter, they wrote saying, “Oh Gurudev! Why are you being so partial to women? Please have some consideration towards us men as well! We have formed a Battered Husbands Club also for this reason”. Perhaps this gentleman was also a member of this club. He must have been quite troubled, and when someone is so troubled from within, they naturally become restless and sometimes go for walks by themselves. One day as this gentleman was walking on the road, he met a sage by chance. The sage asked him, “My dear, what is the matter?” He replied, “O Sage! How would you know what condition I am in? You are always happy and in bliss”. The gentleman then narrated his story to the sage. After hearing the story, the sage whispered a mantra in the gentleman’s ear. The sage said, “Now you just try this and see what happens”.
So the man went back and did as he was told. Six months later, he met the sage once again. This time, the gentleman was happy and cheerful. He told the sage, “O Sage! Your mantra really worked”. At this time, there was another man standing nearby who happened to overhear this conversation. So he also approached them and asked, “Please tell me what was the mantra you used”.
The wise sage then said, “Dear one, in a situation like this, always say the exact opposite of what your heart wants. Do not speak out what you want, and do not want what you speak out”. Since the time the gentleman was advised this, he followed this every day. The day he did not want to have a gravy dish, he would insist the exact opposite and ask for a gravy dish to be prepared. When he wanted to wear a blue shirt to work, he would actually tell his wife that he did not want to wear a blue shirt. So in this way, he was able to handle the situation by tapping into the root cause of the problem. This is real skilfulness. Yoga brings out this skilfulness in you. It makes you so skilful in communication.
If we are able to learn even this much, so many problems will get solved. Often we hear people complaining, “Oh, no one understands me”. I tell you, the real problem is that you have not learnt to express yourself properly. You have not been able to make others understand. This is the essence.
http://qnawithsrisri.artoflivinguniverse.org/
Friday, August 28, 2015
Q: Till what extent should one compromise; especially when it has to be with my wife? What if my wife does not listen or understanding?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: See, I have no experience in these matters (laughter). How do I tell you this? I would say, you should listen to her and agree, for she is the boss at home! She is literally like the Prime Minister at home. What can you do? You need to find out some way to talk to her and make her understand. If you do not know, then consult and learn some new ways from others.
There is a small story about this. There was once a gentleman whose wife would do the exact opposite of everything that he said. Suppose if the man said, “I do not wish to have any gravy dish for dinner”, the wife would cook only gravy dishes for dinner.
If he would say, “I do not wish to wear a blue shirt to office today”, she would only iron a blue shirt for him to wear, and she would put all the other shirts for washing. So this is how it used to happen. If the gentleman did not wish to eat out one day, that very day she would insist on eating out and have her way. In this way, everything used to happen against his wishes. The gentleman became very dejected because of all this.
Do you know that in India there is a club called the Battered Husbands Club? Have you all heard about it? Sometime back when I had written a short article on Women’s Rights, I got a letter from the members of this club. In the letter, they wrote saying, “Oh Gurudev! Why are you being so partial to women? Please have some consideration towards us men as well! We have formed a Battered Husbands Club also for this reason”. Perhaps this gentleman was also a member of this club. He must have been quite troubled, and when someone is so troubled from within, they naturally become restless and sometimes go for walks by themselves. One day as this gentleman was walking on the road, he met a sage by chance. The sage asked him, “My dear, what is the matter?” He replied, “O Sage! How would you know what condition I am in? You are always happy and in bliss”. The gentleman then narrated his story to the sage. After hearing the story, the sage whispered a mantra in the gentleman’s ear. The sage said, “Now you just try this and see what happens”.
So the man went back and did as he was told. Six months later, he met the sage once again. This time, the gentleman was happy and cheerful. He told the sage, “O Sage! Your mantra really worked”. At this time, there was another man standing nearby who happened to overhear this conversation. So he also approached them and asked, “Please tell me what was the mantra you used”.
The wise sage then said, “Dear one, in a situation like this, always say the exact opposite of what your heart wants. Do not speak out what you want, and do not want what you speak out”. Since the time the gentleman was advised this, he followed this every day. The day he did not want to have a gravy dish, he would insist the exact opposite and ask for a gravy dish to be prepared. When he wanted to wear a blue shirt to work, he would actually tell his wife that he did not want to wear a blue shirt. So in this way, he was able to handle the situation by tapping into the root cause of the problem. This is real skilfulness. Yoga brings out this skilfulness in you. It makes you so skilful in communication.
If we are able to learn even this much, so many problems will get solved. Often we hear people complaining, “Oh, no one understands me”. I tell you, the real problem is that you have not learnt to express yourself properly. You have not been able to make others understand. This is the essence.
http://qnawithsrisri.artoflivinguniverse.org/
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